Today, a dear friend of mine has reached THIRTY DAYS of sobriety. Today I celebrate her by sharing her words that she writes each day. The words you will read have filled me with hope. They have also filled me with pride for my friend. So very proud of my girl, Anonymous. Words are power...Read on, loveys, read on.
Lifetime to Learn
"For the first decade of our life our brain is wide open and is ready to absorb all things that life has to show us. Our brain is stimulated with each lesson the various people that come in and out of our lives are trying to teach us. Our brain's constant craving for more knowledge excites all of our senses. We marvel in all the many things our eyes can see. We are mesmerized by a multitude of emotions and sensations we feel either by touch or within our souls. The smell of some beef on an open fire is as stimulating to us as the smell that a startled skunk expels. The two smells are on two different ends of the spectrum but they both stimulate our brain.
During the second decade of our lives our mind begins to interpret what our brain is in-taking. I must stop right here and explain a very important concept. The brain is a tool. It can solve a math problem, it can create a poem, it can recall a drug dealer's telephone number. But when you can't stop thinking of that math problem or the drug dealer's number or when random thoughts and memories arise without your intent, that is not your brain working, but your mind wandering. At this point, your mind controls you and you have run wild.
During my third decade of life, I let my mind take complete control of my very existence and it lead me astray. It had me thinking that I knew all that had to be known and I needed no further guidance from my Higher Power (HP). I did not turn my back on Him, I just went off on my own. Today, I have finally proven to myself that I don't know what the hell is going on because I am lost in the twisted weeds of self-reliance and self will. I am stunting my growth.
In order to begin to grow again, I need to find sobriety's reality. They say it is filled with a sense of purpose and a joy of freedom. I have to finally understand that my past is not a shameful one that I have to lie about or avoid talking about. For it is the roots of my life that is set deep in the ground and is necessary for me to grow.
The Red Head
An older red head man once told me, "You have to stop getting in your own fucking way. You should be tired by now, by thinking you can do everything on your own." Once those words soaked in my brain, I realized that my HP knows my history and I can confide everything in Him. You see, my HP stood by patiently and waited until I cam back to Him and He welcomed me with open arms. All of this time, I was never alone, my HP was always there. Thank,s Red Head Man, for snapping me back into reality.
Ha Ha Ha
When I laugh at myself I feel more willing to grow. I can't take life too seriously because that is when the brain puts on the brakes and the mind steps on the accelerator. If I am not so serious, I can focus on my recovery. If I focus on my recovery, I can move one baby step closer to my purpose, I can make progress. If I make progress, I can look back and laugh at myself.
I have to take responsibility of my actions. I have to take responsibility of my life as it is, or circumstances for my predicament. I caused me to hit the bottom. As I open my eyes, I realized that my health, happiness, and even circumstances of my life have been arranged for me. By being open-minded to the 12 Step process, I have began to be responsible for me.
Up to Me
The last thing is that I have to constantly remember..."I will get out of this what I put into into this." I have to believe I can do it although I do not know what I am doing. You see, no one said the 12 Step process was going to be a piece of cake. Yet no one said it is like taking the California bar exam. So what is spiritual growth? What will make me more connected to working the 12 Steps? I am not all-knowing, but I do know...
...it is what I make of it."
Thank you for reading my friend's words. Remember that each of us has a mighty force behind us...willing us to be brave, strong, and enough.