Boy, is that the truth.
I come to this space not knowing what will come out on the virtual page. I just let my thoughts run wild and let my fingertips do the talking. This is what I love about writing. There is no plan of attack when I write. I let my thoughts take the wheel and I enjoy the ride.
The thing is, I haven't let my thoughts take over in a long while. I've been overthinking every word I write or want to write. Will my loveys want to read my ramblings? Will they just read the first line and think my words are all just nonsense? Will my loveys keep reading, keep coming back, if I really just let the words flow without censor?
My answer? It's always yes. I know you come here because you like my words. Even the ugly words...even the words about a dreadful past...the words that I keep tight inside until I can't breathe and need to let them out. I write you words to make you feel like you are never alone. I hope you see that in these letters strung together for you...for me.
I'm just letting loose today. I'm not worrying about what will come out onto this screen. I'll tell you what is on my heart, and because you care and love me for who I am, you will read the words.
I have been trying very hard the last couple of weeks to journal. I open the little book up, set my pen to the paper, but for some reason or other, the words don't flow onto the page. I want my writing to be perfect. I want the words to be eloquent and genuine. But I stop myself because I don't have those kind of words to write down.
So, I've been reading. I've been ingesting others' words into my brain hoping that their words will inspire me. As soon as my final was over, I downloaded countless books. I've devoured a few, discarded others, and hoped the whole time that these authors' words would embrace me and make my own words come out.
It hasn't worked. So, I've come here. I'm here to just write it all out. I'm in my safe place, where I am welcomed with open arms and given my personal brand of brave to just write. Just write. Let those words out. The words I didn't know where inside of me screaming to be written.
So, here I am. Rambling on and on, not knowing where this post is taking me, but finally enjoying the ride.
I have a lot of plans for the upcoming year, lovey. I hope you'll stick around and see how they unfold. I hope you always come back here to read, to be with me, to feel loved.
That's the other thing: I haven't told you lately something very important.
You are loved.
You are enough.
You make the people around you happy that you exist.
Keep on keeping on.
Show up...for those you care and love about.
But most importantly, show up for you. Remind yourself each and every moment what a wonderful gift you are. You're special. I see it. I hope and pray you do, too.
This felt good. Writing. I think I'll do it again soon. Write at ya later, my lovey.