Thoughts Unfiltered - am I the only one?

You know how some nights you lay there with all the thoughts running through your head? When you're more than just tired or exhausted, but every single thing you never really think about comes up? Um, no? {Great, it's just me...}

Well, let me tell you...the night after my birthday, I could not get my brain to shot off. I had been on my own all day because I took the day off from work as a birthday present to myself. Instead of sleeping and vegging in front of the tv all day, I psyched myself out and went out. I took myself out on a date.

That night, I was okay - it was my birthday after all. I was still high off all the love and birthday wishes....and great amounts of Starbucks frappuccinos...But that next night, everything from those few hours spent alone came back to me. I'm really good at that. All the feelings I had overwhelmed me and so for my sanity and because of sheer exhaustion, I wrote that crap down.

That's the background for ya. These are the words that screamed in my head...

Am I the only one? 

This is going to sound pathetic but I need to vent okay? Am I the only woman that doesn't have friends? You know, a village? A tribe to call her own? That group of women who will go have coffee with you, have a girl date with....Am I really the only one!! 

I have "friends", don't get me wrong. They're just online because I've met them through blogging. I can pick up my phone and they're just a text message away. But, well, it's not the same. I need them to be physically here and it's not possible. 

Yesterday was my birthday. I turned 41. I was greeted by family and friends on Facebook. I had greetings on Instagram. All the people I never hang out with. All the people I never see. These "friends" are the ones I text with in a daily basis. But I can never see them because they don't live here. They live in a far off place called Blog Land. 

I took the day off yesterday and took myself out. Not because I wanted alone time but because I didn't have anyone to say, "hey wanna meet for Starbucks and manis?"

It's sad. 
It's pathetic.
How did this happen?

Is this the repercussion of being a blogger? Of working out of the home all day and not having the time to make friendships? It sucks. There I said it. I know I need to get out there. But holy crapola, how do I even start? 

It's hard to put yourself out there and not get crushed in the process. I've reached out a few times, but then it's just different. It doesn't work out. What I want in a friendship doesn't happen...there's no time for what I want. 

As you grow up, there is no ease to making new friends. It's not like in Kindergarten, you come up to someone, introduce yourself and ask to be friends. Boom - friend made. It's not like that anymore. 

I used to have a group of girls I hung out with. People I could call to hang out, have a drink, watch a movie, just be together...not anymore. Things happen, you grow up, you grow apart....or you just can't even anymore. 

It makes me sad. I'm lonely. I need that girl time. I'm sad, no really - pretty damn pathetic, really. 

Rant over. 

Thoughts unfiltered...I didn't know if I'd share this here.  But I felt that I needed to.  Thanks for listening.

Hello to Everything

Hello out there!
How's it shakin', loveys?  Another week has gone by and I'm back to say Hello to pretty much everything.

Hello to my three babes!  It's so awesome to say that I'm a momma of three!  I can't wait until September, loveys!  It just feels so right - like I've been waiting for our little family to be complete with the arrival of Baby Girl this year.  We reached the 20-week mark on Friday - half way through!  The nausea and mood swings have subsided somewhat and have been replaced by what I think is carpal tunnel.  Told you, I'm pretty text book. I feel so happy and good, though.

Hello to all the Frappuccinos! I was so very bad last week.  Why did Starbucks have to come out with the S'mores Frappe?!  I have had one every other day pretty much.  Good grief!

See?!  I told ya!  This one was free, though.  Birthday perk:)  Last Thursday I turned 41.  I took myself out on a date which is totally out of my comfort zone.  It was nice.  Surprisingly nice for someone who doesn't go out without her little family.  Pretty proud of myself.

Hello Birthday Dinner - we went to Tokyo Wako, a Benihana-style restaurant - the kids love seeing our food cooked in front of us with such flair.  Lots of fun was had.  Like that commemorative photo, huh?  #thisis41

Hello to all the Sandwiches!  Sammies have been my go-to lunch item for the last week now.  I can't get enough of them!

Hello to awkward #ootd pics!  LOL Try as I might, this mama is the worst at taking outfit pics.  This one was for #denimday and #gaypril all rolled into one.  I felt super comfy in this.  Wish I could wear jeans to work everyday!  And shout out to bathroom selfies!

Hello to the love of my life.  Just have to say that the Hubby has been awesome, so very awesome, with me.  Giving me extra love and hugs when I have my emotional breakdowns and making me laugh when I need it the most.  This pic was taken yesterday.  Love this man.  Oh. So. Much.

What are you saying Hello to this fine Monday?  I'm celebrating Monday with Lisa today.  Will you join in on the fun?