10% Feeling


It's very interesting how I am.
There are days where I just lift myself up and think I am just wonderful.
There are others that, well...not so much.
I'm in an "in-between" day today.

My feelings feel a little hurt today...by me.
I don't really know why.
I'm a little down on myself today.
I actually tried looking "nice" today, but....

it doesn't feel right.  Is that possible?

I got some advice this weekend.
"Be how you used to be."
I was told that I had "let myself go"...that I didn't look like I cared anymore.

I care!
I care deeply...

It's just...
Well, sometimes I just don't feel like looking put together.
I just want to "be".
It's so hard to explain.
But I can explain...very easily.

I just don't feel it anymore.

I used to be all put together because I was wanting to be noticed.
I looked different because I had time and money to spend on myself.
I didn't have the responsibilities I have now.
I wasn't married.
I didn't have kids.
I just had me.

And although on the outside I looked great, I was unhappy inside.
I could look like anyone you wanted, but inside...I didn't know who I was.

I do now.
I am a wife.
I am a mother.
I live for them.
I'm happy...
90% of the time.

That 10%?
I'll be honest...
That little tiny part of me misses looking the way I did.
It misses having "me" time.
It misses being sexy.
That part of me misses when I'd pass by someone and they'd smile "that smile" at me.
I miss it...

But I'm willing to let that 10% go for all that I have now.
Am I wrong?
Am I the only one who has that 10% feeling?
Can I have the 90 + 10 percent?

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6 comments:

  1. I really truly honestly think you are one of the best "undiscovered" bloggers out there. I mean that in a good way. You write so well, with so much heart and thought. Everyone needs to be reading your stuff. :)

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  2. I agree with Amanda!!! Oh Nay I can totally relate. I know its about finding that dreaded "balance" (does that shiz exists?) but working at that just gets me more exhausted and overwhlemed. There is hope sweet friend. One min at a time, doing the best we can. xoxo

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  3. I am finding that I have more time for than 10% now, My oldest daughter is in college, and my youngest will be heading off. Enjoy your 90% now, and when you can and when you choose, indulge that 10%

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  4. Girl, it makes me mad that you don't think of yourself as sexy. Sexy isn't about the way you look, it's about the way you carry yourself. And I think you can be 90 + 10 for sure. Because you are amazing, and I know that you can do anything you set your mind towards, regardless of the clothes you wear, or the number on your scale. Those things don't define who you are and how you should feel.

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  5. I totally understand what you mean. I might have felt better physically (from a more superficial standpoint) but I like me more now. I'm a little more tired, some days a lot more frazzled looking (especially after a day of chasing after the boys), but I'm also happier and more fulfilled.

    Do we miss that time when we only had to worry about ourselves? Sure! Does that make us bad people? Definitely not. Thanks for writing something I can relate to!

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  6. I think everyone feels like that at one time or another. It just makes you normal in my opinion. Great blog.

    Kathy
    http://gigglingtruckerswife.blogspot.com

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Hey Lovey! You're commenting! You just made me happier than...well, me with a Chestnut Praline Latte. (Yes, now you know what to order for me if we ever go to Starbucks - lol)