That Mean Old Wretched Woman

Hi there,
Did you know that last year I had another blog which is now pretty much retired.
I wrote about all kinds of stuff - much like I do here.

I was reading some old posts this morning and came across this one...
about "That Mean Old Wretched Woman"
we all know and love.
I thought it was a good time to re-post it...
since I'm feeling especially hormonal today.
{sigh}

Enjoy some vintage Nay....
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The summer before I turned 13, I screamed in the bathroom one morning.  That morning I met someone who would be in my life forever.  And this has not always been a good thing! 

My mean old Aunt Flo nearly scared me out of my seat that summer morning.  She only stayed for a couple of days, but she kept coming back every month or so.  I never knew when she'd appear.  Sometimes late at night while I was dreaming sweetly in bed and other times, surprising me when I was just minding my own business.

I learned that she was not going to be the nicest person in the world.  She would be so mean sometimes that she'd make me faint or punch me in the stomach without warning!  I was so confused because I was such a nice girl {really!} but almost every time she'd come around, she'd make me cry like nobody's business!

I did learn as I got older that she didn't like water much though, so I started staying in the shower or the bath for hours on end.  I imagined if she was even near water, she'd melt like the Wicked Witch of West
I was thrilled! 
I also noticed that she really liked hot water bottles, so I'd sleep with one all the time.

In my 20s or so, she wouldn't come by when I expected her {sometimes days late that I actually wished she would come by}.  And then, the evil lady, imagine me clubbing or out on a date and Bam!  She'd slap me around and make me go home.  She was the strictest woman I knew!

I did notice other times that she was out of town for a really long stretch, too - like something over 9 months!  It was awesome.  I figured she was allergic to pregnant women, but as soon as the baby arrived she'd come back in full swing and staying for way longer than I ever needed.  That only happened two times, though. 

Well there was that time before Little Love was only a thought that she left for almost 2 months, but devastatingly came back when she wasn't supposed to : (

I've figured that Aunt Flo is that mean old lady in the family that makes you do stuff you never would....and all in one sitting! 
She'll make me giddy one minute,
cry the next,
make me grub on chocolate,
and then having me grabbing potato chips right after. 
She's gotten me in such an emotional rollercoaster that one time I just laid in bed all day hoping she would just go away.  She eventually always does though.  I think she gets bored with me after 5-7 days.

And then I notice that right after she sees me, she's visiting my closest friends!  What's up with that?  She's everybody's nasty aunt? Is that possible?!
What do I do about this woman?!
Please help.

Just yesterday, she made me cry.  She dragged me through the mud and back.  I always think I'm prepared, but she justs tips her head back and cackles that evil laugh, saying,
"I'll get you, my pretty!"
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2 comments:

  1. She came for me yesterday. Silly me didn't even figure out what the cramps were about until she was right there. And really, I can't say that I mind the misery so much... It means that I'm still free and clear to wear my wedding dress! That dress would not work with a bump. At all.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ugh! She is coming to visit more often for me this past year. And every other month she makes me more miserable than in my youth. I am expecting her miserable visit any day now. :(

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Hey Lovey! You're commenting! You just made me happier than...well, me with a Chestnut Praline Latte. (Yes, now you know what to order for me if we ever go to Starbucks - lol)