Here I am again...
Talking about the same thing
Over and over again
It's like the needle on the record is stuck yet again
Yesterday I was looking through photos I've taken throughout the year on my phone. I found the photo above of a time I received my favorite flowers. I don't know exactly why I received them - probably my anniversary or Mother's Day or my birthday? - but the point was that I received them. Those stems made me happy. I remember I promptly got a big mason jar, filled it with water, and plopped them in to look nice on my kitchen counter. Whenever I'd look at them, I'd smile.
I've gotten flowers since - again probably for one of the occassions I mentioned before - but these are the ones I took a photo of. These were the ones that made my heart happy. These flowers were the ones I wanted to remember. I think it's because they were almost to the point that they were fully bloomed yet almost time to throw out. They were just right.
That photo of those tulips...
That photo rocked my even-keeled, obsessively organized, go-strictly-with-the-routine world.
That photo made me think how I am an emotional rollercoaster a lot of the time. I am constantly looking for something to keep me in high spirits. Flowers, food, a good read, a well-written blog post, a good grade, a hug, a kiss...anything really, as long as it makes me content - for a while.
Which got me thinking about long-term contentment.
When will it be that it doesn't matter if something "happens" for me to be happy?
When will the time come in my life that I will just smile for no reason - just because my heart feels full and, well...pleased?
Shouldn't I always feel that way?
I have everything I need to be fulfilled with life, right?
A faithful and loving husband
Two adoring children
Why do I keep looking for more?
What stops me from being incredibly blissful from within?
Why do I wait for an event or special something to happen to be full of joy?
Will I ever just be content with my life and not looking for something/someone to give me that happiness?
I know the answer. Believe me, I do.
I'm the answer.
I need to wrap myself around the idea that I am the only one who will make me happy and content.
I need to love myself the way I love others.
I need to break through to Me - to my core - to what's stopping me from it.
Is this the breakthrough?
Or the breakdown?
I have a feeling it's time to figure that out.
sharing today's post here