Coffee gives me the rambles...

on my coffee date board
Oh how I wish we could share a nice hot coffee together today, but it's a bit too hot around these parts to even try to do that.  It's hovers over 80 to 90 degrees every day and does. not. feel like Autumn will ever grace her presence in California.  She'll get here soon enough, but I'm pretty impatient.  I'm a California native, so you would think I'm cool with the heat, but I am definitely not.  I'm a cold weather girl - as in snow, wind, rain.  You get the picture.  When I lived in Boston, I was in heaven during the winters and fall.  Bliss. 
You know what's bliss to me these days, though?  Books.  I have re-kindled my romance with books again.  I forgot how much I loved them and how much they made me feel whole.  I just finished G's Carry On Warrior - oh, loveys, I borrowed it from the library, right? And I don't want to give it back!  I just want to read it and read it and read it again.  She wrote down everything I would write if I ever got my butt in gear to write a memoir.  I love when you read something and you feel like you've met your long-lost friend.  G is that girl who just gets it.  If I had my way, I would have read it in one sitting, but duty called (you know, work, school, kids, hubby...you know, responsibility).  I was only able to read it before going to bed or right before class started, but I finished it. 
One night I was reading a chapter and was cracking up!  No, really...cracking up so hard that I was crying.  I think I freaked out the hubby a little...actually, no I don't think he thought anything of it, really.  He sees me cry with books, laugh, nod my head, respond out loud. So if I'm laughing out loud with a book?  My hubby's like, "yup, there she goes again."  He's said to me that he really likes how passionate I am about books - that it's something to proud of.  He says that he is starting to see that in our daughter and that he knows it's because of me.  He told me yesterday how well I'm doing as an example to her.  That one little sentence made my heart soar!  Oh lovey, that is all I ever want to do.  I want to be the best example I can to Lovebug.  I don't want her to be bombarded with negativity and the coulda-shoulda-woulda's.  I am constantly telling her how beautiful, smart, wonderful, loving, caring and kind she is.  I am brainwashing her.  I want the first thoughts that she has of herself to be positive.  I don't ever want her to be second-guessing the awesomeness that she is. 
She is such a great big sister, too.  The way Lovebug is with her little brother...the relationship they have....it just makes me so proud.  Little Love - my son - my prince...the other day, the hubby was in the waiting room of the doctor's office with him.  Hubby was looking at a magazine and asking Little Love if he thought the models and actresses were pretty.  To each photo, he kept saying no.  Hubby thought that was odd and asked him, "You don't think any of them are pretty, love?" Little Love says, "They're okay - but Mama is beautifuler." Oh be still my heart!  The love of a child is just wonderful.  God gave me such wonderful love with these two kids of mine.  I am so very blessed, loveys. 
I need to tell you that this morning I woke up yet again with some awful, debilitating, do-i-have-to-face-another-day feelings.  I am sick of these thoughts.  Sick. And. Tired.  These last two weeks I have felt defeated.  I know it's because I feel a bit overwhelmed with my workload in the office and that I was hormonally un-happy (if you know what I mean) which made me stress-eat and PMS-eat which made me feel fat which then made me feel gross which then made me feel ugly which then made me feel not-enough.  Oh the vicious cycle of depression and insecurity.  It gets on my damn nerves! 
I haven't written much for the last two weeks and I'm sorry.  I knew that if I did it would be a downer or negative-nay writing and I hate putting anyone through that.  But you know what?  This is one of my safe places...so if I feel the need to just write with no purpose.  I have to.  You get me, lovey.  You always get me.  And I thank you for that.  I thank you for reading through this ramble of thoughts induced by my morning coffee cup. 
Are you still there?
Hello?
(wink)
Photobucket
Read more coffee dates at Alissa's place.

1 comment:

  1. Still here (wink) and even though I don't know you in "real" life, it's clear that your Lovebug gets her beautiful, smart, wonderful, loving, caring, and kind qualities from you!
    Hang in there dear, sweet Lady!

    ReplyDelete

Hey Lovey! You're commenting! You just made me happier than...well, me with a Chestnut Praline Latte. (Yes, now you know what to order for me if we ever go to Starbucks - lol)