My Monster and I

via
The Monster (feat. Rihanna) by Eminem on Grooveshark
This song has made me cry.
It hit a nerve.
The monster under my bed
That voice in my head
Anxiety at times
Depression at others
You pretend on the daily that you can get through that day
Only one more step
Only one more prayer
Only one more encouraging word
But if you don't feel like it's working
That day can turn out terrible.
 
I've talked to you before about what the doctor put me on
Something to take the edge off
Something to make life a little easier
Something to make me more Me again
 
But I've since, in the last month, weaned myself off of those
I felt wrong taking something when...
 
I should just be okay with who I am
Embrace all the colors of me
Envelope myself in my thoughts
Get myself through it.
 
And I feel like I have
Yes, there are bad days
But there are many many moments of good
 
When I feel the anger coming on
The sadness trying to cloud itself around me
I stop.
 
Stop the emotion in its tracks
Just be Me.
 
I don't need a little half of a white pill to help me be Me
I know how to do that all by myself
I know how to put my best foot forward and walk
 
There may be darkness at that tunnel where you can't find the light.
But I have learned something - my monster and I.
 
I am the light at the end of that tunnel
I am never alone in my thoughts
I have the Creator to hold my hand through those darker steps towards my light.
 
I am never alone.
 
See, when I think I can get through another day
When I think those thoughts are consuming me
Those thoughts of self-loathing
Those thoughts that say I can't do it
Those thoughts that try to tell me I'm not worth it...
 
I let one little voice overpower that negative
My voice
My light
It shines because I know how to turn the flashlight on.
 
I've become friends with the monster
If I give it love, light, joy, a good memory
A word of encouragement
A friendly "it's going to be fine"
That monster goes back into the little hole where it belongs.
 
In that hole 
It can't take away my light.
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4 comments:

  1. I love that song and you are so right. You are the light at the end of the tunnel. There is so much I don't post about that goes on inside of my head, I've thought about it sometimes, but I just don't know if I can. I suffer from major anxiety and my husband has told me several times that he doesn't know how I live inside my head and I always tell him it's because God. I make it through because of God, I push forward and I don't let it drive me insane because God is my saving grace. It can be SO hard though and you are wonderful for writing this post. xoxo.

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  2. Oh sweet friend. Your light shines thru for all those around you as well! Love you Nay!

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  3. Everyone has their darkness and their light. Learning to accept both is one of the hardest things in life. I am so proud of you for figuring this out!

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Hey Lovey! You're commenting! You just made me happier than...well, me with a Chestnut Praline Latte. (Yes, now you know what to order for me if we ever go to Starbucks - lol)