Penelope Walker is taken...


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Hi there...
Do you remember when I wrote this post?  The post where I was so excited because of a photo I found on pinterest.  The photo that I thought would change it all?  I wrote page upon page because of this photo.  The photo of a woman behind the counter at a coffee bar - I gave her a story.  I gave her a family and friends and a morning commute.  It took me a few pages, but I also gave her a name.

Her name came to me like a lightening bolt one morning as I was making myself my morning cup of coffee.  Oh, I was so happy, loveys!  After finding that name everything just clicked.  Her past, her present, her future just buzzed through me.  I couldn't write fast enough.

But then...
Something happened.

A few weeks after that post was published, I was doing one of my favorite things.  I had grabbed a book I had picked up at an old used bookstore and took a long warm bath.  I even had bubbles!  Soothing warm baths and a new-to-me book is my bliss.

But then, it happened.
My character's name looked out at me from the pages of this random book.  A book I had never even seen before or heard about before that day at the used bookstore. A developed character from another author with her name - my happy-go-lucky cafe barista with so much ahead of her!

My heart sank. And then it all just pretty much ruined the bath.  I stomped out of the bath and into our bedroom and said, "Babe, she took her name!"  A bit confused hubby looked at me waving this book in his face and it must've clicked.  "Just name her something else, love.  It's just a name."

No!

I haven't written a word since.
Not a single word has been thought of that could be written for that story.  It crushed me.
I told myself I wasn't a writer.  Who was I kidding?
"You write a blog. What makes you think you can do anything else other than that?" my inner voice told me.  No, I'm not going to call it my inner voice.  It's me.  I don't think I can do this writing a book thing.  I know I am holding myself back and I am being my own worst enemy.

I know I have to change this feeling and that it's what's stopping me from writing anything other than a blog post.

For now...I don't want to (as I stomp my foot like a spoiled brat).  I'm not ready.  I thought I was.  I'm not.
This too shall pass...or it won't.
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5 comments:

  1. Noooo! That was a great name too. You can't just change a character's name, they won't be the same. Supposedly what we are named helps define our personalities, and I think it works the same for fictional characters. Maybe another, fitting, name will make itself known to you. I totally understand why you're stomping your foot and not writing though. I would be too!

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  2. Dude, you're being ridiculous my Nay. Do you think there is only one John Smith or Jane Doe or ... or.. you know what I mean. At some point in the book have her sign or see or say her name is Penelope Sha-zam Walker and make her yours. Done. You don't change the name of a character unless they ask you to; as in the character asks you to. Keep going, you're looking for excuses... who wants to be a writer who's afraid to write? Let Pen unfold my Nay. It's your year too!

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  3. Inner voices can be wicked. But you always have to find the balance. Perhaps it's time to pick it up and start again. I happen to be a barista for my living, so I could always lend you ideas and thoughts if you'd like. I also may have a great name for you….one to toss around…but…. I also know as a writer we like to have our own ideas.so, here if you need it. Also, I want to buy and read your book, so I think you should pick it back up. Kick fear in the face. :)

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  4. I think that there are few names you could come up with that haven't already been claimed in the literary world. And yes, so frustrating when you realize that someone else had the exact same moment of brilliance that you did. A new name will come... maybe it's good to write with the current name until the new one comes. I know it's common for writers to change names well after the story has been written. Don't give up on your story, it deserves to be told!

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  5. I know you don't want to, but you can change her name. Just change her last name. There are a million Renees, a million Megans, but there is only one you. You have your own story, just like your Pen only has her story. Find her a new last name and keep all the rest. You are a writer, you do have a story in you, so just write the damn thing. and I will be checking out grammarly.

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Hey Lovey! You're commenting! You just made me happier than...well, me with a Chestnut Praline Latte. (Yes, now you know what to order for me if we ever go to Starbucks - lol)