You Are Worth It All

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This morning...
The alarm went off, just another day to go to work.
Well, not really...it's the first day of work of the new year.  The hardest day of the year for me.
 
I shower, get dressed, put my face on, and breathe.  A tiny mini anxiety attack threatens to start, but I can handle it.  I can do hard things, remember?
It's just a small one - not full blown like the others - one that will leave me as fast it came.
It just needs time to fester first.
 
I'm standing in front of the bathroom mirror and look at my reflection.
"Breathe, girl...just breathe."
"You can do this."
"Just another day."
"Remember it's just another day." 
 
I send a text message to Pidg asking if she'll be home today.  Yes, she will.  She's almost 3,000 miles away, but I know that if it gets really bad, I can call her.  She'll bring me back from the ledge.
 
I have figured out why this happens, by the way.
Too long of a vacation from work.  
My body has relaxed so much that it's not ready to come back to real life.  
My mind wants to slap me and tell me, 
"WHY?!?! We're so good right now.  
WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SCREW UP THE GOOD THING WE HAVE HERE?!"
 
Because we have responsibilities.
Because we know deep down inside that we couldn't handle being home all day, everyday.
Because going back to work is what we do.
We persevere.
 
I was saying "we" - weird, I just noticed that.  Well, I guess there's is more than one of me in this body of mine.  
{No! Come back!  I'm not a weirdo...really!}
I just know that there are different facets that compile this mind and body.  I know that I need to keep all of me happy and un-anxiety ridden.  I know that it's going to be okay.  {Smile.}
 Because after today, it'll just go back to normal.
 
Last night, I got a pin sent to me by Megan.  
Sweet Megan.  The girl who, without her knowing, helped me give me one of my words of the year.
 
Brave.
 
She commented on a hard post from last year and said exactly what I needed to hear.  Exactly what was needed.  And a song along with that beautiful comment.  Thank you, my friend.
 
But back to the pin.
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This pin.  
This pin I just uploaded as my screen saver for January.
It's going to make that mini anxiety attack wish it never came in the first place.
 
Because I'm Brave.
Brave by Sara Bareilles on Grooveshark
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