In Real Life



Sometimes I feel small and insignificant in this big world. I get to a point where I think I'll just collapse at my feet and won't be able to get up anymore. I get so exhausted with my daily routine-trudging through the ins and outs of my life. Everyday I go to work. Monday through Wednesday I have class. Sometimes I wonder how I can do it all and not suffocate with each breath I take. How I can keep doing what I'm doing and not cry myself to sleep every night. Because God knows I want to. I want to bury myself in my bed and not come out until I know it's safe. Sometimes my legs can't move one more step but I do. I don't know how I do it but I do. I can't stop now. It will be over sooner than I think and I know I'll look back at this time of my life and say to myself - You did it. See? You could do anything.
I haven't really been writing on the blog if you haven't noticed.  Sure there's a post every other day or so, but it's been a giveaway here, a link up there...I haven't wanted to let you in lately.  Maybe because I haven't been "awesome".  I didn't want to write and say how exhausted I've been, how not motivated to do anything I've been, or how I have been pretending my days away.  But real life happens....

In real life...I'm not always perky and happy.
In real life...sometimes I just want to stay in bed when the alarms goes off and pretend to be sick.
In real life...I have to suck it up and do things.
In real life...I disappoint myself.
In real life...I have to stop doing things even though it makes me feel like a failure.

I hate putting this down on virtual paper - and I think this will only be a big deal to me - but I had to drop my Biology lecture & lab.  I dropped it because I knew I wasn't getting it -even with all the studying and work I was putting into it - and I would eventually fail the class.  I was petrified of having anything lower than a C on my college transcripts, so I dropped the class on Wednesday night.  You would think I'd have this sense of relief after clicking the Withdraw from Course button.

I didn't.

Even though I've been a walking zombie since this semester started and my stress was on overdrive, I feel like a failure.  I feel like a quitter.

I feel like I can't be inspiring or empowering to others if I can easily quit because I'm weak.
That's real life these days.
I can't hang.  Period.
I can't be a mom, wife, full-time employee, college student, blogger, daughter, friend all at the same time.  So I had to simplify and get a grip.  Unfortunately, because of it, I don't feel like I did a good thing.

In real life...well, it's not all easy.
In real life...you beat yourself up.
In real life...you run out of energy and start dragging.
In real life...you do what you have to do and worry about it later.

In real life...you talk about it and then let it go.
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5 comments:

  1. You sound overwhelmed. I hope you find a way for your life to be more peaceful. I remember the days of going to school when my kids were home. Don't feel bad about dropping a class. You can only do so much. (((((HUGS))))

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  2. You're not a failure my Nay, you're human. You know I've learned the hard way that I'm not invincible. I found this quote and I'll probably mess it up but you get the jist of it..."Sometimes you don't realize you're actually drowning when you're trying to be every one else's anchor"... Keep that in mind okay? If you were "actually" superwoman, you would be forced to wear a cape and most likely spandex and that's just no good.

    I do loves you from the subsol. An inconsistent at best, I know, but being human hits people in different ways. You're truly a success for knowing your limitations. Friend over here is still learning.. I've always been the slow one.

    Perk up buttercup, you've got this!

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  3. And you know what? That's ok. In real life, sometimes we just can't do it all. I hated it but I had to drop four classes one year. Four. Life was just way too much. having to drop a class- doesn't make you a failure. Doesn't mean you can't handle life. It just means you are still an amazing woman who knows when to say enough. that is ok. Keep your chin up girl! You are pretty great :)

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  4. So, the real talk my friend. Real talk is, it's important to be good to ourselves first, and realize when we can't do it all. And that, for whatever reason, our society kind of takes this as a bad thing for a woman to do... admit that she isn't capable of doing all of the things all of the time. I think that's really sad, because nobody, male or female, can ever do it all. People who give that impression are either liars or master delegators.

    You just keep doing what you do, my bestie. It isn't always happy, or perfect, or positive, but I know that you strive for the good in life, and that is truly what is the most important.

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  5. I can't imagine being all those things at once! Sometimes being strong means letting go instead of holding on.

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Hey Lovey! You're commenting! You just made me happier than...well, me with a Chestnut Praline Latte. (Yes, now you know what to order for me if we ever go to Starbucks - lol)