No One Cares

Last night after a long day at work and school, I settled in for the night's sleep and it hit me. I figured out what I learned at Elevate last Saturday. 

No One Cares. 

Not one of the women I met cared what I looked like that day.  Not one of them worried about the rolls on my body, or that I stepped in a puddle of mud, or that I brushed my boob with blue paint, or that my hair wasn't perfectly styled, or that my bra straps kept showing all day, or that I was a sweaty mess...or that I wasn't perfect.

You know who did care?  Me.  I did a little too much actually.  I was so worried about how I looked and what others must be thinking of me.  I worried that I was taking photos and selfies with these bloggers and that I look disgustingly fat in the dress I bought.  I worried that my hair wasn't perfectly straight and slightly curled on the bottom like it was that morning.  I worried that my make up was melting off my face.  I worried about my arms and how big they looked....to me.

See that's what it was...
The whole time I was worrying and succumbing to something that defeats me every single time.  Doubt.  

I let myself down on Saturday.  When I could've wholeheartedly been inspired by the speakers and engaged, meeting new women, and saying hello to old friends, I was putting myself down and making doubt more important than the day itself.

As I looked back last night at all the #elevateconf photos on instagram...I noticed something.  I didn't make the effort to be in a lot of them.  I was too worried about how I would look.  I was too involved in my own downfall.  I failed myself on Saturday.  I did it all by myself, to myself.

This was the first time in the three years I've been to this conference that I ruined it for myself.  I feel so stupid.

The thing is no one cared.  I met wonderful women who hugged me and wanted to talk with me and didn't care what I looked like.  All they cared about was being in that beautiful place and sharing a day of sisterhood and fellowship.  All they cared about was forging new friendships and treasuring the old ones.  They cared about what was important.

I learned that I will never do that to myself again.  I can't let doubt take the front seat in my life.  I can't let it drive me where it wants or take me places that I shouldn't go.  I need to get over this feeling of not loving myself like I should - how others love me.  I need to not care.  Because in the end...

...No one cares.

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13 comments:

  1. You are so right! I did the same thing. When people ask how my trip was, my comment each time has been that next year will be better. This year I didn't know anyone, my hair had that California frizz thing going on and my roots are out of control, my white pants were dirty from stepping in the mud, all the girls at my table were talking about turning 30 and all I could think was "I don't fit in, I am almost 40", I don't have a place because my blog has no purpose, I just write, my hair isn't long enough, I am not stylish enough or cute enough, on and on. I robbed myself of a better time and making better friends. Next year will be different, because I will learn from this year.

    I think you are marvelous! You have a welcoming personality and you are beautiful. I am grateful that I have met you in person and that your blog takes on a new "face" for me now. I didn't notice any of the things that you wrote about. What I did notice about you is that even though I hadn't met you before, you responded like I mattered, and that was awesome!

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  2. I love this post! It's exactly what I have been thinking about. I had a great time at elevate and it was amazing meeting you in real life. But I was the one taking everyone else's pictures and trying to stay out of most of them. I'm always so hard on myself and what I look like. This post has inspired me today and next year we have to make sure and take a picture together!

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  3. Nay, this made me tear up. To think you could feel that way about yourself hurts my heart. You are a beautiful person, I so wish we couldve been able to chat more and get a photo together. It was wonderful hugging you in the parking lot. You give an inspiring message today and are beautiful inside and out.

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  4. Okay my fingers are hating me- this is the third time I have tried to type this....
    Anyway, I am so sorry you felt this way. Of all of the things you mentioned that you were worried about, I did not notice one of those things! Instead I noticed your smile, how much you were listening to and supporting each person who presented. I noticed how kind you were to everyone. That is what I saw. It is easy to let those doubts and thoughts creep in, I am sorry that happened. I think you are amazing.

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  5. My heart is broken that you don't see what we see. You don't see the kind, thoughtful, caring, best hug-giving friend we all know and love. YOU are amazing, YOU are a great friend, YOU are perfect just the way you are. And Nay please remember that you need to love you before you will see how much you are loved by everyone else. xoxo

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  6. The only thing I care about is you. I'm sorry you felt this way. I'm sorry I didn't even know it. You are beautiful and I love you. I hope you could feel that.

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  7. Good Morning!!! I just started following you. I love your blog. I especially love this post and was a great subject. Xo

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    1. Hi Connie - welcome to the coffee-n-ink family, lovey:) I noticed your email isn't connected so that I can email you when you comment! Please enable it so we can continue conversations:) TTYL!

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  8. So much raw truth in this post. Im so sorry you felt that way. You r beautiful inside and out and im so blessed for you ♡

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  9. Nay, you couldn't have spoken more of the truth. I too, am my own worst critique. I didn't go out of my way to meet all the wonderful ladies I truly wanted to meet because I cared too much about what they would think of me. My own doubt literally got the best of me and I missed out on the opportunity to truly connect with all the wonderful women at Elevate. By the way, I loved your dress and you looked absolutely beautiful in it. Glad I got to be your Minute-to-Win it, pick up the bag with your mouth partner and our momma rolls will forever get in the way of letting us get that low and being in last place, but you and I both know, those came from the greatest gift that God could have ever given us. Finally, I will stop being self conscious, stop blog stalking you (I actually have been since last year summer, but never commented, yes I'm one of those people) and have the confidence to comment more often!

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  10. We are our own worst critic...I was intrigued by the title of your post, such a great article. No one cares...a good reminder for us today!

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  11. So true! I realized this the other day when having a hard time finding an outfit. I tried to remember what a friend had worn the previous day and realized I couldn't remember what anyone had been wearing, That's when it hit me, if I can't remember the appearance of another, why would they notice mine? Very freeing to realize we are finally beyond high school judgement and have moved onto the stage in life where we remember people for their character and not their appearance.

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  12. I was afraid you were going to be telling me something far, far worse about what nobody cared about. I'm relieved that nobody cared about what you looked like, because that means that you were surrounded by women of substance! And it's obvious to everyone just how special you are, Nay. EVERYONE.

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Hey Lovey! You're commenting! You just made me happier than...well, me with a Chestnut Praline Latte. (Yes, now you know what to order for me if we ever go to Starbucks - lol)