Write Bravely


I found that quote in one of my books this morning.  I was gathering my books from this semester so I can sell them back and this card stock with that quote fell out.  I picked it up and just kept staring at it. 

Write bravely.

The thing is. these days I haven't had much to write bravely about.  I lie.  I do have stuff to write about:  my childhood, the abuse, my self-esteem, etc., but I am sick and tired of writing about it.  I don't want this space to be all about that.  It's a big part of me that I try to shut up and I notice that it comes out on here too much of the time. 

I want to write about how awesome my life is.  I want to write about how I starve for positive attention.  I want to write about the lies I want to tell you.  The lies I can say about how awesome I think I am, how beautiful I am, what a talented writer I am...but like I said, those are lies.

Isn't that sad?  Aren't I just a sad person?  This sucks.

Lately, I've been reading comments that some of you have left on here and on instagram to my husband.  Comments that tell me that those lies I would tell you are actually truth.  Comments that I should believe.  My husband had something to say about them, "All these people believe in you, babe.  You need to start believing in yourself, too.  I have a project for you."

He wants me to make a collage of all the good things people say about me.  Every time one of you writes about me or comments on something I've showed you, he wants me to print it out and paste it on a board.  I think it's a good idea, but...

But, there's that little voice inside of me that says that I would be boasting.  That voice that says that you say these nice things but don't really mean them.  That voice that says that I'm only fishing for compliments.  That voice that says people are going to get tired of this blog and start avoiding it altogether.

That voice that lies.

Today I write bravely.  I write what I need to say.  I write because I know you read this and shake your head thinking, "Why is she feeling this way?"  I don't know the answer, lovey.  I just know that I need to find it. 

I want you to know something:  Thank you for being here.  I need you to know that I am so grateful for you.  Thank you for reading my thoughts and accepting me.  Thank you.

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4 comments:

  1. I say, DO THE PROJECT!!! I keep a binder ring in my office of cards I've gotten over the years with affirming words from people who believe in me. And let me tell you, some days it is so helpful to look through those kinds and remind myself of how other see me even when I don't see those things in myself! If you do make a board, I'd love to see a pic!

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  2. Nay, I only recently stumbled upon you blog, so I don't know your story well, or at all. One reason I bookmarked your blog is I was attracted to your honest writing. So, keep on writing. Keep on listening to your readers. Make a board, and read it when those negative thoughts come up.

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  3. Write the truth, write the "lies" and continue to write about whatever you want to your about. This is your space. Your space to share your past, present and future. Maybe you don't want to talk about the bad stuff all the time, but that is part of who you are. That is part of who I am. Part of who many other women (and men) are in this world. Share your story and continue to share your stories because you never know who is reading this. You never know that you completely just made the day to the person sitting on the other side of the screen because she now knows she is not alone in this world. You are beautiful on the inside and out and just like that sneaky pic I took of you at Elevate, you have a smile that lights up a room. Never stop smiling.

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  4. You are amazing and you are not a lie. There can be so many parts to a person! The pain, the tears, the moments of accomplishment, the believing who you could be- it's not a lie to write about one more than the other. Sometimes healing is found that way. You are an incredible beautiful person and my life has been touched knowing you. The world needs to hear your voice! Keep on believing, writing, breathing, hoping. Just keep on. We love you dearly Nay for who you are, no matter what looks like from day to day!

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Hey Lovey! You're commenting! You just made me happier than...well, me with a Chestnut Praline Latte. (Yes, now you know what to order for me if we ever go to Starbucks - lol)