He Gave Me a Choice
I woke up one day and said, "Yes. This is the life I am supposed to have." I was destined to be a wife, a mommy, an employee, a writer, a student, a back-up singer and dancer of all cars, a hugger, a woman who inspires, encourages, and empowers, and so much more. I am so many things. There are so many parts of me that are important.
God gave me a choice even before I was born. I believe He sat me down on a fluffy cloud a few days before I was born and showed me the life I was going to have. He showed me who my parents would be. He gave me a glimpse into the little brother I would have. He showed me the abuse that I would endure. He let me see all the countries I would live in. He gave me a view of all the friends I would keep and lose - and what their presence in my life would signify. He showed me the loss, depression, anxiety, and heartbreak. He also gave me a look into my future letting me know that I'd go through a lot in my childhood - the good and the very bad - but, he explained that I would go through these to be stronger. He showed me my best friend who would become my husband. It wouldn't be easy to become his wife, but we would eventually get to be together. He introduced me to my three children. The ones I would live with and the one that would look over me from Heaven.
Then He told me I had time to decide if that was the life I wanted.
I was born into this life because of what God knew I could handle. He had faith that I could live this life fully. He knew I'd regret certain decisions I've made, but that I would learn from the experiences He put in my path.
I have always thought about the Why of what my life is. I have always wondered what would have been if I had not decided to take this life and live it. Who would I be if my parents had never conceived me? What would my life have been like if I had not traveled in my younger years? Would I have met my husband? Would I have these beautiful children? Would I be happy?
This life that I have chosen is perfectly imperfect. There are flaws, but the blissful moments and experiences outweigh those inadequacies. There have been many mistakes I have made or deceit that I have encountered. There have been so many moments of worry and inner grief.
Those moments come and go. But now...now I fully embrace that life that God showed me on that cloud. He believed in me because He knew I was a force. A force of good over evil. He gave me a silent superpower - the best one there is.
He knew I would see the best in a situation even as I struggled. He knew I would be that listening ear and shoulder to cry on for so many women in my life. He knew I would make my life worth something. He trusted me with this life because He knew...
He knew I was imperfectly perfect. He made me a shining star in the darkness - that light for my family, my friends, my readers...
but most importantly, for me.