Who I've Become
Massachusetts - California - Lima - Costa Rica
the different places I've lived.
Brown - Black - Pink - Blonde - Red
the different hair color I've tried.
Brown- Green - Blue - Lavender
the different eye colors I've had.
Preppie - Goth - Grunge - Bohemian
the different fashions I've gone through.
Single - Dating - Player - Married
the different marital status titles of my life.
Renée - Tati - Babe - Nay - Renesita - Mommy
my different titles in my life.
I have been to a lot of places and been a lot of different people in my life. Each phase of my life was important and made me who I am today. I had to go through a lot of different experiences to appreciate who I have become. That's what I have learned to ultimately believe.
When I was a lot younger, I tried changing myself so many times. In every place I lived I tried to become a new person but always came back to the same person...me. There was no running away from who I really was...from who I really am. I have changed a lot as we all do.
I was once a twenty-something without a care in the world. I was bouncing from guy to guy, job to job, never thinking I was going to be anyone worth knowing. I had no plan. I had no idea what I wanted to be when "I grew up". I didn't see a future for myself and was okay with it. Or so I thought.
I wanted so much. I wanted to have someone in my life that would make me want to live again. I wanted to have a future where I woke up each day, finding someone special next to me. I wanted to have a routine in life - not a life where I didn't know what would happen next. I wanted a life where I didn't seek permission to be who I knew I was inside. I had a thirst for the life I knew was out there for me.
Today I am a 40-year-old woman with two kids and a husband. I work a nine-to-five and fit in mothering, college, blogging, and being someone's life partner all around the rest of my days. I have grey hair that I have to dye once a month. I have extra pounds that I didn't have in my twenties. I have bills and responsibilities that every other adult has. As I look at all those places, hair colors, fashions, and names I have had, I smile.
I smile at all the diverseness of myself and am deeply appreciative of this life I have been given. I married my soul mate and best friend. I have two children that love me to the moon and back. I have a job that pays the bills and gives us security. I have a wealth of knowledge that only age can give you. More importantly, I know that life goes on. I know that sometimes, many times in my life, I didn't think I'd get to 40 years of living. I didn't think I'd be married or have this fulfilling life. I didn't think I'd be writing and having readers like you. I didn't think I'd make this life I have.
This weekend as we pretended to camp out in our living room....when we went to a Dodger game...when we spent time together and just cuddled - I looked at what my life has become. I am truly happy. I am fulfilled.
I am a 40-year-old, mother of two, wife to one...and loving every minute of it. This is life. I went through so much to get here. Every single step to this place was worth it.
Every path I walk through now? I can't wait to see what it brings me to and through. It will be all worth it....because life goes on.
Happily on and on.