Who I've Become

Massachusetts - California - Lima - Costa Rica 
the different places I've lived. 

Brown - Black - Pink - Blonde - Red 
the different hair color I've tried.

Brown- Green - Blue - Lavender 
the different eye colors I've had.

Preppie - Goth - Grunge - Bohemian 
the different fashions I've gone through.

Single - Dating - Player - Married 
the different marital status titles of my life.

Renée - Tati - Babe - Nay - Renesita - Mommy 
my different titles in my life.


I have been to a lot of places and been a lot of different people in my life.  Each phase of my life was important and made me who I am today.  I had to go through a lot of different experiences to appreciate who I have become.  That's what I have learned to ultimately believe.

When I was a lot younger, I tried changing myself so many times.  In every place I lived I tried to become a new person but always came back to the same person...me.  There was no running away from who I really was...from who I really am.  I have changed a lot as we all do.

I was once a twenty-something without a care in the world.  I was bouncing from guy to guy, job to job, never thinking I was going to be anyone worth knowing.  I had no plan.  I had no idea what I wanted to be when "I grew up".  I didn't see a future for myself and was okay with it.  Or so I thought.

I wanted so much.  I wanted to have someone in my life that would make me want to live again.  I wanted to have a future where I woke up each day, finding someone special next to me.  I wanted to have a routine in life - not a life where I didn't know what would happen next.  I wanted a life where I didn't seek permission to be who I knew I was inside.  I had a thirst for the life I knew was out there for me.

Today I am a 40-year-old woman with two kids and a husband.  I work a nine-to-five and fit in mothering, college, blogging, and being someone's life partner all around the rest of my days.  I have grey hair that I have to dye once a month.  I have extra pounds that I didn't have in my twenties.  I have bills and responsibilities that every other adult has.  As I look at all those places, hair colors, fashions, and names I have had, I smile.

I smile at all the diverseness of myself and am deeply appreciative of this life I have been given.  I married my soul mate and best friend.  I have two children that love me to the moon and back.  I have a job that pays the bills and gives us security.  I have a wealth of knowledge that only age can give you.  More importantly, I know that life goes on.  I know that sometimes, many times in my life, I didn't think I'd get to 40 years of living.  I didn't think I'd be married or have this fulfilling life.  I didn't think I'd be writing and having readers like you.  I didn't think I'd make this life I have.

This weekend as we pretended to camp out in our living room....when we went to a Dodger game...when we spent time together and just cuddled - I looked at what my life has become.  I am truly happy.  I am fulfilled.

I am a 40-year-old, mother of two, wife to one...and loving every minute of it.  This is life.  I went through so much to get here.  Every single step to this place was worth it.

Every path I walk through now?  I can't wait to see what it brings me to and through.  It will be all worth it....because life goes on.

Happily on and on.
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