Keeping it Real

I shouldn't have stopped taking my meds.  I shouldn't have let my prescription run out.  I shouldn't have thought that I could handle life without my Lexapro.  It was a mistake.  I need to take medication to even out.  I need it to feel on instead of always feeling off.  My husband noticed this morning.  "Baby, have you stopped taking your happy pills?" I told him I had and that I was ashamed that I had to take them.  He told me that he would rather me take them so that I'm not unhappy anymore.  He understands that I can't take life on my own.  He knows that I have a little switch inside of me that needs to be turned on by that little white pill.  He doesn't make me feel bad about taking them.  He knows that it's not my fault I'm like this.  He knows that I'm not 100% mentally normal and that the little white pill helps me achieve normalcy.  Well, normal for me.  

Lexapro makes me myself.  That self that conquer anything, the self that is brave and strong.  Without it, unfortunately, I am not any of those things at all.

On top of the medication, I also need to take care of myself.  I haven't been taking care of myself physically or spiritually.  I haven't been taking care of my body.  I haven't been exercising or eating healthy.  I haven't been talking to God much either.  

I have to remember that I need to speak to Him when I need help.  When I feel lonely, even in a room full of people, or my thoughts are in darkness, even on days that are supposed to be the happiest...I need to start talking to Him and putting everything in His hands.

I forget to do that.  I forget to put Him first so that He can take care of everything.  I forget that I need God, medication, a healthy lifestyle, and my family to survive this life.  Actually, I don't forget about my family.  I always put them first.  I try to be selfless when it comes to them.  It's all those other sides of my life that take a back seat so much.

I need to stop doing that.  I need to set my priorities straight so that I don't get overwhelmed with this life My Father has given me.  I need to remember that although I need to take a little white pill to make life a little easier, I shouldn't feel bad about it.  I shouldn't feel less because a pill helps me to feel more.  I shouldn't feel embarrassed that my mind attacks me more than the average person.

I have to remember that God put me into this life because He knew I could handle it.  He knows me better than anyone.  He believes in me.

It's time I start doing the same for myself.


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11 comments:

  1. Love you Nay! You are an amazing person! Never forget that. I have to be on some medication too. Sometimes I forget to refill it too and think that I can do without. I end up feeling scrappy the next day and remind myself that I'm a happier person with it than without it. We need to get together again sometime :)

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  2. You are important too! You have to remember that...I'd be happy to remind you daily if it helps! You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

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  3. Girl, I just upped my Lexapro dosage because I wasn't doing well. Without it I'm a mess. I'm sorry you deal with this too.

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  4. Take the damn pills. That's what momastery would say! But also let's rejoice in the fact that you know you need these. Some people don't realize they do. So take that. Hold on it it and know, to be 100% you need a little help. Everyone does. There is no shame. Not ever.
    Love you!

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  5. Don't feel bad. So many of us are also taking anti-depressants for one reason or another. Feel better about yourself. HUGS

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  6. I thought I could stop too, when I was on it, when I was feeling good. Turns out it wasn't as easy as that. Hang in there, feel better about yourself AND just remember you aren't alone! :)

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  7. I used to be on medication for anxiety and depression. And truth be told, I hated myself for it. I hated the fact that I had to take something to be me. I stopped taking them pretty quickly, thinking that I would solve that issue regardless of why I was taking them. And it did. It solved the issue of me hating myself for taking them. But it also made me realized why I hated myself for it. I took them because I pretended I didn't need other things to make me happy. Exercise, regular sleep, healthy eating, solitude, relaxation - all of these were things I needed to force myself to do to be happy. These were the things that made me happy. The things that really made me be the best me. The pills were my excuse to not to the things that were right for me because I hoped they would solve everything. This long-winded story isn't to tell you that you need to do something else to be happy, but instead to show you that your medication isn't any different than my need for regular sleep and some major downtime every day. It's what helps us function. It's what helps us smile. It's what helps us treat others (and ourselves!) with love, care and kindness. It doesn't matter what form it takes - it's just a part of life that helps us be the best version of us. We're so lucky to know what that something we need is because it can be awful when you don't know. Take care of yourself, gorgeous. You deserve it!

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  8. 'Sending you a hug! ((Nay)) and BTW, Psalm 61 is my fave. I actually memorized all of it. -Marci @ Stone Cottage Adventures

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  9. Oh sweetie... HUGS! This breaks my heart that you feel ashamed to have to take your happy pills (love the nickname!). I know it's easier said than done, but please don't. You sound like you are in a good place to know that you do need them... and to take care of yourself in ways that you haven't been. That's a sign of growth right there! Please oh please oh please oh please do what's right for you and what will make your life happy and fulfilled. I will be keeping you in my thoughts. ♥

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  10. Hang in there! It's not always easy to start over but it's worth it!

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  11. Anti depressants have always been a conversation I've had to have with my therapist, and so far, we haven't decided I need that, but I'm on medicine for all sorts of other things, including a thyroid disease. It's so important that you take care of yourself, even that means pills. I guess someone explained, we take medicine for every other organ and problem in our body, our brain shouldn't be different just because we can't see it. Keep your head up pretty lady!

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Hey Lovey! You're commenting! You just made me happier than...well, me with a Chestnut Praline Latte. (Yes, now you know what to order for me if we ever go to Starbucks - lol)