It started with "I'll blog tomorrow." That "tomorrow" turned into a week and then weeks...and now almost a month later, I have come back to see if my words still exist.
I wasn't really doing anything exciting while I was gone. I just got preoccupied - immersed in work and family. To tell you the truth, I was lost in myself. I didn't have a lot to say or show anyone and somehow I was okay with it. Which is a first for me -
I'm always wanting to share every innermost thought I have. I want to be raw and real and well, it got tiring. It was hard to come up with thoughts that had substance, words that would not only fill me but you. So, I let myself say I was too busy for blogging. I was too busy to share every single moment I could on Instagram. I got to the point that I wanted to see what I was like before blogging again.
I was quiet. I wasn't myself. Blogging, writing on a regular basis, has given me the voice I always wanted. This space has been the difference between existing and living this precious life.
I missed it. I've missed "talking" with you, but it was what I needed. I decided something in this last month or so that I was off the blog. I don't want to live in the past anymore. I want to embrace the present and the exciting future ahead.
Last year, I took on my past like a boss. I was brave with my words. I took steps to my reinvention. The reinvention of Nay. Those words last year took my breath away. They healed me. They made the bottled up tears and emotions come out. The words were ugly but beautiful and they were much needed.
I started this year off thinking that I could just pick up where I left off, but it wasn't that easy. I didn't want to talk about abuse or hurtful lies anymore. I wanted to show myself and you that those situations no longer defined me...or us. I just didn't know how. And really, if I'm being brutally honest, I didn't want to. So I let the words run away.
I let the words leave and find a new home. I gave myself a moment to be free of the words. But like something you let go that's supposed to stay, the words came back.
My words are here in this space. I'm ready again. I. am. ready... and I don't know where the words will take me. That's okay. That's exactly what me and my space need.
Where did all my words go? They were hidden and now, those letters strung up with love, are ready for some action.