So this year, I want it to be different. I want to live up to my name. What do I mean? Most of the time, I have no idea (smile), but this year I was thinking of all the things I want to do. It all came down to doing everything better - to redo everything better. Reinvent the ways I currently do what I love. A rebirth so to speak. My name means rebirth. Renee. I will be more Renee.
I think that'll work just fine. I will strive to be more me. That's my goal. Not just for this year, really, but for my entire life. I want to be less judgy with myself. I want to give myself opportunities and not be my own worst enemy. I want to renew my faith in myself. I want to be more Renee.
How I treat others and the love I give to others? I need to do that for myself. The advice I give others? I need to follow that advice myself. I want to be me with a fierceness. I don't want to beat myself up when I feel like I'm failing. I want to pat myself on the back once in a while. I want so much for myself. And yes, I want to do this for myself so that I am an example.
There are three children that look to me for guidance. They see the relationship I have with their father is such a strong one...I want them to see what a strong relationship I have with myself! I want them to know that it is so very important to carve out time to nurture yourself.
To love yourself.
To take yourself out for a date.
To pray for yourself.
To be closer to yourself.
To save yourself.
Because the way I see it, I keep putting myself last. Only One should go before me - and that's my Heavenly Father. I can continue to ask Him for all the desires of my heart, but I need to do the work. All that I want in this life will not come to me from a knock at the door. I tend not to open the door when I know it's something for me at the other side. I want to open that door now. I know I can do hard things. I can handle a lot of what this life throws at me. I know this. Of course I do. I just need to believe it.
I keep praying for a closer relationship with God. I keep wanting to complete my degree already. I want to get healthier physically...emotionally. I want to write. I want. I want. I want. I can "want" with every fiber of my being all the live-long day. Unless I do the work, it's not going to happen.
Okay. I'm not going to make any resolutions this year. I'm not going to put down goals because I already know what they are. Word of the year? It'll come to me. It always does.
Right now...right now I'm just going to 'Renee". It's been a long time coming. I think it's time to answer that door.