Answering the door to Renee

I didn't want this first day of the year to go by without writing something. I don't know how often I'll be at this space in 2016. I tend to make resolutions, goals, words of the year...and then within a week, maybe less, I'm back to my old ways.  I think we're all like that, really.  We want so much from ourselves on January 1st and then beat ourselves up when we don't follow through.

So this year, I want it to be different.  I want to live up to my name.  What do I mean?  Most of the time, I have no idea (smile), but this year I was thinking of all the things I want to do. It all came down to doing everything better - to redo everything better.  Reinvent the ways I currently do what I love.  A rebirth so to speak.  My name means rebirth.  Renee.  I will be more Renee.

I think that'll work just fine.  I will strive to be more me.  That's my goal.  Not just for this year, really, but for my entire life.  I want to be less judgy with myself.  I want to give myself opportunities and not be my own worst enemy.  I want to renew my faith in myself.  I want to be more Renee.

How I treat others and the love I give to others?  I need to do that for myself.  The advice I give others?  I need to follow that advice myself.  I want to be me with a fierceness.  I don't want to beat myself up when I feel like I'm failing.  I want to pat myself on the back once in a while.  I want so much for myself.  And yes, I want to do this for myself so that I am an example.

There are three children that look to me for guidance.  They see the relationship I have with their father is such a strong one...I want them to see what a strong relationship I have with myself! I want them to know that it is so very important to carve out time to nurture yourself.
To love yourself.
To take yourself out for a date.
To pray for yourself.
To be closer to yourself.
To save yourself.

Because the way I see it, I keep putting myself last.  Only One should go before me - and that's my Heavenly Father.  I can continue to ask Him for all the desires of my heart, but I need to do the work.  All that I want in this life will not come to me from a knock at the door.  I tend not to open the door when I know it's something for me at the other side.  I want to open that door now.  I know I can do hard things.  I can handle a lot of what this life throws at me.  I know this.  Of course I do.  I just need to believe it.

I keep praying for a closer relationship with God.  I keep wanting to complete my degree already.  I want to get healthier physically...emotionally.  I want to write.  I want. I want. I want.  I can "want" with every fiber of my being all the live-long day.  Unless I do the work, it's not going to happen.

Okay.  I'm not going to make any resolutions this year.  I'm not going to put down goals because I already know what they are.  Word of the year?  It'll come to me.  It always does.

Right now...right now I'm just going to 'Renee".  It's been a long time coming.  I think it's time to answer that door.


  1. Vehicle title advances are not for everybody. They work for those shoppers who are in the situation to pay back what they obtained when expected yet for the individuals who can't? It's best to avoid acquiring against your auto and discover another approach to get the assets you title loans chicago


Post a Comment