It's Been a While

I don't really know.
It just kind of happened.

Photo by on Unsplash

I miss it, though.
The clickety-clack of the keyboard, how my thoughts make words, and how those words make it on this screen.

I remember how comfortable I was typing out every thought and just letting the words flow.  Now the last time I've written a word was over a year ago...even more than that - not even on paper.  There was a point where I felt that my words didn't matter anymore.  I just didn't have it in me to write.  When I did type things out, it just felt fake.  So, I stopped.  I'd pretend every so often to boost my ego - to get a comment or two.  But then...

Months went by without a word and I got sick.  My words were only visible through Instagram with captions.  Once I went into remission, a year later, I knew I had to write something to commemorate my journey through AML.  It was difficult.  Very difficult.  I did it and that was it.

I couldn't continue, though.  It was too much after cancer...after everything.

But, now here I am.  I want to write again.  I have no idea what, but I miss this part of myself.  This very important part of me that made me feel whole. 

I don't really know if it was a good idea to close this part of my life. 
Even if I'm the only one who knows about this space. 
Even if I'm the only one that knows that I'm doing this again...

I'm just going to do it.  I'm going to write about what's going on in my life.  One day, my kids will get to read it.  One day, I can make it visible to everyone. 

For now, it's just me.
And that...

xo - Nay


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