For the ones that matter...
In that time, I filled my loneliness with writing. When that wasn't enough anymore, I started to write this blog. I found a community in blogging and to this day I still have a strong connection with the women I met through this blogging community.
But...in all that time, I missed having a home filled with my friends. Hanging out at a bookstore or grabbing a drink with a girlfriend or just shopping around Target...I missed that. And I don't care what anyone says but taking your phone with you and texting with online friends while doing these things is not the same thing.
Years passed and I got used to it. Being on my own. I had gained and lost friends but I was okay. I didn't feel as though my life was less than. I still had a way of communicating with other women. This blog. I would write my heart and soul into this place and instantly get responses. I opened up my soul here and wrote about things I never thought I would. I felt nestled in this community and taken care of.
This blogging community stepped the hell up. Every step of the way I felt carried and prayed for. I never once felt alone. During those first days of diagnosis, I asked my husband to reach out to an old friend that I hadn't spoken to in years. We had a falling out years before, but she was the first person I thought of when I heard I had cancer. I wanted to see her, well, just in case I didn't make it. She came back into my life and has stayed. I am so thankful to her even when I haven't been at my best.
I survived because of my friends - on and off line. People have come into my life for a reason or a season, but the ones who kept on have always been the only ones I need.
On August 23, 2016, I got my life-saving bone marrow transplant. On that day I truly and genuinely believe I became a new person. I gave myself permission to be who I was supposed to be all along. I was apologetically putting myself first. I became brave enough to say who I wanted in my life and who should be standing next to me.
I chose you, my loveys. I chose my husband and three kids. I chose the friends who wanted to be a part of my life for a lifetime.
I also parted ways with people that had to be for a season. It was difficult and painful in many ways, but I had to d what was best for me.
So, thank you to those of you who stood by me. To those that didn't or couldn't, I understand...
...being a survivor isn't for everyone.